Tag Archives: Desires

DATING For the Over 50s Who should we date? How should we date? And WHO should we not touch with a barge pole?

Dating: You lost me at Hello!

As a woman in her 50s I have taken the plunge and decided to find love: romantic love to be precise!   I have to say I enjoy being single, so finding a mate means giving up my single lifestyle.  Do I really want to, that is the question?  Let’s just say he will have to be very special as I really, really enjoy my own company!  The single lifestyle gives me oodles of time to pursue my interests, contemplate life’s big questions, spend time with my friends and avoid all kinds of relationship dramas.  My life is pretty perfect and completely uncomplicated!!

Cinderella Complex

I understand the Cinderella Complex so I am not looking for anybody to come along and change my life or save me. I am looking for somebody worthy and happy to give up their single lifestyle in order to enjoy and share a full, fun and uncomplicated life with me.  No time wasters please!  And no drama queens either!  And while we are at it, no narcissists!!  Learning all about those at the moment!!  A bit heavy on the exclamation marks, maybe time to breath.

Has flirting been replaced with a swipe?

Now in my twenties dating was fun and flirting was harmless.  I was attracted by physical appearance, energy and a good sense of humour.  Proximity played a vital part in the mating game. Dating has changed. The art of flirting seems to have been replaced with a swipe. Dating is much more aggressive with on-line profiles and apps. People are not always honest in this world of technological dating.  You can meet someone, form a relationship (of sorts) and break up, all before you have uttered a single word!   The art of seduction has become, for some, a sport with professional scammers targeting my demographic more than any other.  That needs a radio show all of its own!!!

Playing safe!

A recent survey cited that the number of singles over the age of 50 in the UK, U.S. – and many other nations around the world is unprecedented. If this is true then there must be a lot of people out there feeling as I do?  I am going to  investigate and explore the dating scene for the over 50s. Starting today with two guests who talk about how we can navigate the dating arena while staying safe and hopefully have a bit of fun; no euphemism intended!!!

What is LUMEN?

My two guests are The Countess Alex Zapak and Dating Expert Charly Lester.  My clever, intelligent and sexy  guests give a funny and honest account of how to behave on dates; where to look for partners and what to expect while on a date or leading up to going on a date. This interview was originally scheduled for half an hour but there was so much to talk about that we simply keep on going. Charly Lester, who is one of the world’s leading dating industry experts, gives us clear advice on how to stay safe. She also talks about LUMEN, a free app for the over 50s.

Here is a snippet of the interview with Charly Lester on how to keep safe in the dating world:

  • Always keep conversations on the dating site – you may need to block or report them if they become inappropriate.
  • Don’t give away too much detail.
  • Don’t let them know your full name.
  • When you do arrange to meet up – don’t leave your bag unattended.
  • Don’t leave your drink unattended.
  • Don’t let them drop you home at the end of the night.
  • Apply the same logic as you would, meeting any stranger.
  • Regardless of how much you like them don’t lead with your heart until you get to know them really well.
  • Be cautious – don’t take a picture to send to them that might include your address.

I learned a tremendous amount from my guests, particularly the differences between what men and women look for in a partner.  There is also some wonderful content on how to behave when the cheque/bill arrives. You can hear all of this and much more if you follow the link to my radio show at the top of the page.  Please leave a comment on the sound cloud if any of this resonates with you.

If you wanted to listen again or catch up on our previous programmes you can head to the Presenters page on Women’s Radio Station.com and find me Margaret Tully.  I would also love to hear from you on www.margarettully.international – send me an email and I will get right back to you. (email address is also on my contacts page).

Thank you to Alex and Charly for your open hearts, sharp intelligence, whit and most of all sharing your truth and experiences.  Fit, Fabulous & 50+ if for all people men and women who would like to connect or share how to make living a full and vital life possible for everybody regardless of age.   We need YOU on the radio.  We need your voice.  We need your thoughts.  We need your feelings and concerns to make this community relevant for all who have found life after 50 something to celebrate. We need your ideas so please feel free and  email me any questions you may have.

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How BIG is Your BUT?

How Big is Your But?

January as a month is long, cold and dark!  As we wrap ourselves up and brace the weather there seems to be a general malaise of knuckling-down and getting through. We even have a day called ‘Blue Monday’ purported to be the most depressing day of the year.
Therefore loving New Year but disliking January seems like an oxymoron!

SO WHY IS JANUARY SO GRIM?

January could be viewed as the month we feel the most stress. Financial stress as we deal with our post Christmas bank balance. Physical stress as our body manifest the results of all the excesses from the holiday season. And emotional stress as we see our resolutions and goals fade into a cacophony of buts.

Statistics tell us that the majority will have abandoned their New Year’s Resolution by January 10th.

I would like to rebrand January as the month where we encounter our Buts!

How big is your But?

You see I think there is a trick to setting goals. Firstly, set outrageous ones!! Keep them visible and focus on them at least once a day.

I used to set very realistic goals – I did not want to be disappointed! Then I read ‘Think and Grow Rich’  which taught how to set bigger goals and focus on them every day.  I also learned about the law of diminishing intent!  This law suggests that we loose momentum every seven to ten days – so it is important to factor into your goal setting – motivators every 7 – 10 days. After all it is never really about achieving your goals. The purpose of goals is to have a focus and observe who we become as we move towards them.  The process changes us and keeps us in a state of growth.

The worst enemy to any goal is one very powerful word: ‘BUT’!

So at what point in January did you encounter your But?

I encounter it most January mornings when it is cold and raining and I don’t want to leave my warm bed. I have to make the reason I get up bigger than the warmth and comfort I feel staying in my bed. The bed analogy serves to show the contrast between making effort and staying comfortable. This principal can be applied to any goal we set where we have to exert some effort. It is very easy to opt out and let our self off the hook. The key is to make your goal compelling enough to shift from ‘but’ to ‘I will… I have… I am…’

Here are some of the biggest buts I have come across:

But I am too tired…
But I don’t workout…
But I don’t have the money…
But I’ve tried everything and nothing works…
But I’m just meant to stay this way…
But I don’t like being outside my comfort zone…
But I’m fine just the way I am…
But I don’t like shakes…
But this is my addiction…
But I never went to University…
But I’m too old now…
But I’m too young…
But I’ve got a bad back…

But I love food…
But I can’t until I loose some weight and get fitter…
But it’s not my fault…
But I have kids…
But I’m not interested…
But I don’t have the confidence…
But I’m afraid…
But I can’t wait that long…
But what will people think of me…
But I don’t want to offend anybody…
But I find it really difficult to say no…
But what if I fail…
But what if nobody likes me…
But maybe I should just settle for what is familiar…
But I’m scared…
But what if nobody comes…
But what if nobody likes me…
But what if I upset somebody…
But I won’t know anybody…
But what if they make fun of me…
But this is not my skill set…
But what if I am a success…

We all have BUTs – question is how big is yours? And do you let your BUT control your life?

So if I rebranded January to be the month of BUTs – when we hear it – realize that we are about to have a break-through and find a way of celebrating instead of deliberating. Don’t’ allow the BUTs to defeat us, excuse us or divert us.

Hold the vision up – focus on it and know that tomorrow is another day and decide the New Year and your goals can start any day of the year. Don’t give up on your goals if by January 31st you have not started yet. You will start to move towards your goals when you are ready and once you start laugh your BUT in the face and give it the biggest kick in the BUTT!

Happy New Year! AND Happy New You!  I can tell you now my BUT does not look good in this!

As always I would love to hear from you –
Please share your ‘But’ stories and breakthroughs.
Join the conversation.
Leave a comment! (comment box below of the blog!!)
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As long as we keep the vision we can start/restart at anytime and kick all our buts in the Butt.

One of our goals is to build our community of Fit, Fabulous & 50+ to over 1000 in 2018. I need all of you to get on board and help make this happen by shouting about us.  Please sign up to our newsletter below by just giving your email address:

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What are the three massive mistakes even smart successful people make when conceiving, setting and achieving their goals?

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‘What lies before us, what lies behind us, is nothing compared to what lies within us’. Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love this time of year as I look at the bare trees and frosty landscapes. My mind always creates pictures of how my garden will look in the spring and I start to prepare, clear away all the dead leaves and welcome the sights of new growth.

Goal Setting

Life coaching is such a blessing because I am in the business of studying success. Success is not some random twist of fate bestowed upon a lucky few. Successful people leave clues and that is why I study them. One of their traits is that they believe goal-setting is not about acquiring stuff! Goal-setting is more about who they become in the process of moving towards their goals. They see every experience as an opportunity to learn and grow and they do not fear failure.

‘If you are not willing to learn, no one can help you. If you are determined to learn, no one can stop you’. Zig Ziglar

2014 has been a fascinating year for me. In August I had brain surgery to correct a facial twitch that put my acting career on hold. I spent the first half of the year preparing myself mentally and the second half recovering and dealing with the healing process, which took longer than I anticipated. I came face to face with fear and I had to decide how I was going to treat this monster that had probably been controlling and stealing from me all my life. Zig Ziglar’s statement became tangible for me. I was determined that nothing was going to stop me from moving towards my goals. However I became aware that while I enjoy setting goals, focusing on them, taking massive action and moving towards them, when it actually comes to walking, running or crawling past the finish line and claiming the victory I experience resistance, I want to change focus, find another goal and shy off the prize!

What prevents us from fulfilling our potential?

I am sure I am not the only one who enjoys the process of creating goals but struggles in the process of securing and receiving the rewards. I understand the law of diminishing intent and build into my process motivators that keep me on task. When I encountered the finishing line and witnessed resistance and hesitancy I decided to make this my next area to conquer! So why do some of us fall at the final hurdle?

  • Is it fear of success and the responsibilities it
    engenders?
  • Or is it enough to get close to victory but to actually
    receive and celebrate so unfamiliar that we prefer to
    remain in an area where we know we are safe?
  • Or maybe if we achieve our goals we may feel empty and
    lost without sometime to dream about?
If any of this resonates with you please leave a comment, a tweet or get in touch.

Goals for 2015

What I learnt in this process of achieving my goals is that I can do anything that I set my mind to. Anything! I am aware of the pitfalls that sabotage and usurp energy and focus. I have gained the confidence to set new, bigger and more challenging goals and I have decided that 2015 is going to be a year that…

  • I will cultivate an attitude of success in everything I do.
  • I will set  some big goals and talk about them.
  • I will celebrate my blessings, efforts and achievements.
  • I will push myself to grow in all areas of my life.
  • I will step outside my comfort zone.
  • I will risk failure in order to grow and learn.

The Wheel of Life

Why not join me on this journey! Let’s start with an exercise called the ‘Wheel of Life’. Below you will see a diagram that looks at all aspects of your life and you will see from doing this exercise where you have focused a lot of your energy. There will always be areas that are strong, and we tend to enjoy hanging out there as it affirms our identity, but there are also areas that have been given little or no attention. I encourage you to focus on those areas for 2015 and allow yourself to dream in those areas. This will address any imbalances!

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The Wheel gives us a snapshot of our life as a whole. See it as it is, not worse than it is. It is important to realise where you are in order to know where you want to be. Life coaching is about creating a strategy to get you from where you are to where you want to be.

Video Blogs

I am going to be starting video blogging in January that will look at how you can move from your current situation to where you want to be with a series of six blogs covering Values, Needs, Moving Towards and Moving Away from Goals, Limiting Beliefs and finally One, Three and Five Year goals.

These videos will be sent straight to your inbox. They are completely without obligation and you are free to comment, get involved, share your stories, successes and celebrate.

Happy New Year and Happy New You for 2015. Get involved and find the support you need to make 2015 a year of creativity, confidence and compassion!