WOMEN AFTER 50: Amazing Grace, elegance and style! Continue reading
Growing Older & Loss of Confidence!
I asked friends on Facebook what were their concerns about getting older? Health issues; concerns over money; as well as loss of confidence were the dominant themes. Confidence has always been my ally when I want to take on new projects or learn new skills. That does not mean there is no fear, I acknowledge fear and I allow fear and confidence to exist simultaneously. I guess that is why I feel confident because I accept that fear exists but it is not in charge, I am.
So What is Confidence and How is it Different from Self-Esteem?
‘Confidence describes how we feel about our ability to perform roles, functions and tasks. Self esteem is how we feel about ourselves, the way we look and the way we think. Whether or not we feel worthy and valued.’ ‘…confident people experience feelings of well being, acceptance of their body and mind and belief in their abilities, skills and experiences.’
I stated that I believe I have confidence but that does not mean that I have never struggled with low self-esteem or lack of confidence! I do not believe that confidence is a mysterious quality that only some people have. I believe confidence can be learned, increased and developed. My life and now my career is a quest to increase my confidence and raise self-esteem continually. So how will I go about this? I will train myself! Confidence and Self-Esteem touches of three aspects of who we are:
1. How we feel about our Appearance
2. How We Think
3. Skills & Abilities
Therefore we could increase our confidence and self-esteem by working on these three areas, for example –
Appearance – we all have something we would like to work on regarding our appearance. A simple visit to the hair dressers; making a decision to loose or gain weight. Take that yoga or fitness class. The list could go on and on. Once you have chosen an area, take massive action. I have just started spin classes. I want to build stamina and loose some weight. Every time I take the class I focus on the goal! It feels great because I have taken action and that alone increases my confidence!
How we think – what kind of mind chatter do we have that is disempowering? It will be that one thing you say to yourself when you are feeling low. Negative thoughts are a way of beating ourselves up and keeping us stuck. Mine is that I am too old to pursue my dreams. As soon as that thought comes into my mind I remind myself that I am the perfect age to be doing what I am doing and I reverse the negative self-talk. I literally replace it with a positive and empowering affirmation. The more I practice this the quicker my response and the less power I give those negative thoughts until they disappear. I then congratulate myself for not putting up with any negative people in my life, including myself!
Skills & Abilities – Search your heart for that one desire that has never gone away. Mine was I want to learn piano, I have said this for years. Well I have now started and it feels amazing. Slowly without judgement I am learning two cord melodies and I love it. I also began my degree when I was 37 and I loved every single minute of it. Best thing I have ever done. I did not worry about resources because I knew once I’d made the decision I would find all the resources I needed and I finished that degree and then went on to do two more.
So you can train yourself to be more confident while increasing your self-esteem! Let us celebrate who we are by loving and accepting our appearance and reversing any negative chatter that gives us excuses for not pursuing our dreams and goals. If you are flying high in these areas then God bless you and please encourage others to go for it too. It is the birthright of everybody?
Please leave a comment in the box below and be an encouragement to others and don’t forget to share, share, share. Let’s keep learning, growing and celebrating!
Let us live with CONFIDENCE, CREATIVITY AND COMPASSION!
‘What lies before us, what lies behind us, is nothing compared to what lies within us’. Ralph Waldo Emerson
I love this time of year as I look at the bare trees and frosty landscapes. My mind always creates pictures of how my garden will look in the spring and I start to prepare, clear away all the dead leaves and welcome the sights of new growth.
Life coaching is such a blessing because I am in the business of studying success. Success is not some random twist of fate bestowed upon a lucky few. Successful people leave clues and that is why I study them. One of their traits is that they believe goal-setting is not about acquiring stuff! Goal-setting is more about who they become in the process of moving towards their goals. They see every experience as an opportunity to learn and grow and they do not fear failure.
‘If you are not willing to learn, no one can help you. If you are determined to learn, no one can stop you’. Zig Ziglar
2014 has been a fascinating year for me. In August I had brain surgery to correct a facial twitch that put my acting career on hold. I spent the first half of the year preparing myself mentally and the second half recovering and dealing with the healing process, which took longer than I anticipated. I came face to face with fear and I had to decide how I was going to treat this monster that had probably been controlling and stealing from me all my life. Zig Ziglar’s statement became tangible for me. I was determined that nothing was going to stop me from moving towards my goals. However I became aware that while I enjoy setting goals, focusing on them, taking massive action and moving towards them, when it actually comes to walking, running or crawling past the finish line and claiming the victory I experience resistance, I want to change focus, find another goal and shy off the prize!
What prevents us from fulfilling our potential?
I am sure I am not the only one who enjoys the process of creating goals but struggles in the process of securing and receiving the rewards. I understand the law of diminishing intent and build into my process motivators that keep me on task. When I encountered the finishing line and witnessed resistance and hesitancy I decided to make this my next area to conquer! So why do some of us fall at the final hurdle?
- Is it fear of success and the responsibilities it
- Or is it enough to get close to victory but to actually
receive and celebrate so unfamiliar that we prefer to
remain in an area where we know we are safe?
- Or maybe if we achieve our goals we may feel empty and
lost without sometime to dream about?
If any of this resonates with you please leave a comment, a tweet or get in touch.
Goals for 2015
What I learnt in this process of achieving my goals is that I can do anything that I set my mind to. Anything! I am aware of the pitfalls that sabotage and usurp energy and focus. I have gained the confidence to set new, bigger and more challenging goals and I have decided that 2015 is going to be a year that…
- I will cultivate an attitude of success in everything I do.
- I will set some big goals and talk about them.
- I will celebrate my blessings, efforts and achievements.
- I will push myself to grow in all areas of my life.
- I will step outside my comfort zone.
- I will risk failure in order to grow and learn.
The Wheel of Life
Why not join me on this journey! Let’s start with an exercise called the ‘Wheel of Life’. Below you will see a diagram that looks at all aspects of your life and you will see from doing this exercise where you have focused a lot of your energy. There will always be areas that are strong, and we tend to enjoy hanging out there as it affirms our identity, but there are also areas that have been given little or no attention. I encourage you to focus on those areas for 2015 and allow yourself to dream in those areas. This will address any imbalances!
The Wheel gives us a snapshot of our life as a whole. See it as it is, not worse than it is. It is important to realise where you are in order to know where you want to be. Life coaching is about creating a strategy to get you from where you are to where you want to be.
I am going to be starting video blogging in January that will look at how you can move from your current situation to where you want to be with a series of six blogs covering Values, Needs, Moving Towards and Moving Away from Goals, Limiting Beliefs and finally One, Three and Five Year goals.
These videos will be sent straight to your inbox. They are completely without obligation and you are free to comment, get involved, share your stories, successes and celebrate.
Happy New Year and Happy New You for 2015. Get involved and find the support you need to make 2015 a year of creativity, confidence and compassion!
Hello I am an actress, director, teacher and life coach. I created Margaret Tully International because I want to work with people who want to experience life at the most exciting level. I live in London, spend a lot of time in the US, have studied with Anthony Robbins and feel what I have learned along my journey could benefit others.
So why do a blog? Well, I need to communicate. I always have! As a young woman it was not too difficult, as being reasonably attractive, I got a lot of attention and some people even seemed interested in what I had to say. I learned to handle the attention by being in charge, in control, humour, wit, funny and sometimes tantrums. As I got older I began to notice the currency by which I once traded (how attractive I felt in the eyes of the world) was producing different returns. Financial metaphors are quite useful when talking about intrinsic value and worth! You see I believe our identity is closely linked to how we view ourselves, in life, in other people’s eyes and in the mirror. Whether you gain significance and value from your career, family, physicality, education, skills or significant other, fundamentally the relationship you have with yourself will be what shapes your identity.
So what happens to us when we get up there in age and are no longer regarded as attractive, no longer of value, no longer sexy, invisible? My blog is about us women who are 50+ but unwilling to settle for the glib stereotyping inundating us by the media. If we have poor opinions of ourselves, and let’s be honest that is encouraged by most advertising companies who want us to compare ourselves to each other, to bill boards, and to a fantasy that is not only unattainable but non representative of a hugh demographic, then we need to take our power back. Back from the advertisers, public opinion, and unrealistic expectations of ourselves and each other.
As a 55 year old woman I can honestly say I feel more excited about life, more confident, much, much more sexy, more energised and vibrant than I ever did in my youth. It is a shame that this representation of women is not celebrated and reflected on TV, magazines and in our conversations. Fit, Fabulous and 50+ will speak to those of us who love who we have become, what we have achieved and contributed. Fit, Fabulous & 50+ supports and celebrates strength, competence, confidence, creativity and compassion.
So relax, get involved, have a natter, sound off, find support and help anyone who is feeling old, unattractive, devalued, invisible, unsexy, fed up or angry. Instead let’s get inspired to stand up be counted and heard. I’m listening, I’m here to serve, encourage, support and love on a big scale. Subscribe to the newsletter for once a month tips on health, wealth, love and career.
Leave a comment and share your amazing accomplishments so that we can get talking, agreeing, disagreeing (respectfully), thinking, confronting and most importantly connecting. Scream about us on Twitter and facebook because there are a lot of US out there. We are Fit, Fabulous and 50+.