Tag Archives: margaret tully

DATING For the Over 50s Who should we date? How should we date? And WHO should we not touch with a barge pole?

Dating: You lost me at Hello!

As a woman in her 50s I have taken the plunge and decided to find love: romantic love to be precise!   I have to say I enjoy being single, so finding a mate means giving up my single lifestyle.  Do I really want to, that is the question?  Let’s just say he will have to be very special as I really, really enjoy my own company!  The single lifestyle gives me oodles of time to pursue my interests, contemplate life’s big questions, spend time with my friends and avoid all kinds of relationship dramas.  My life is pretty perfect and completely uncomplicated!!

Cinderella Complex

I understand the Cinderella Complex so I am not looking for anybody to come along and change my life or save me. I am looking for somebody worthy and happy to give up their single lifestyle in order to enjoy and share a full, fun and uncomplicated life with me.  No time wasters please!  And no drama queens either!  And while we are at it, no narcissists!!  Learning all about those at the moment!!  A bit heavy on the exclamation marks, maybe time to breath.

Has flirting been replaced with a swipe?

Now in my twenties dating was fun and flirting was harmless.  I was attracted by physical appearance, energy and a good sense of humour.  Proximity played a vital part in the mating game. Dating has changed. The art of flirting seems to have been replaced with a swipe. Dating is much more aggressive with on-line profiles and apps. People are not always honest in this world of technological dating.  You can meet someone, form a relationship (of sorts) and break up, all before you have uttered a single word!   The art of seduction has become, for some, a sport with professional scammers targeting my demographic more than any other.  That needs a radio show all of its own!!!

Playing safe!

A recent survey cited that the number of singles over the age of 50 in the UK, U.S. – and many other nations around the world is unprecedented. If this is true then there must be a lot of people out there feeling as I do?  I am going to  investigate and explore the dating scene for the over 50s. Starting today with two guests who talk about how we can navigate the dating arena while staying safe and hopefully have a bit of fun; no euphemism intended!!!

What is LUMEN?

My two guests are The Countess Alex Zapak and Dating Expert Charly Lester.  My clever, intelligent and sexy  guests give a funny and honest account of how to behave on dates; where to look for partners and what to expect while on a date or leading up to going on a date. This interview was originally scheduled for half an hour but there was so much to talk about that we simply keep on going. Charly Lester, who is one of the world’s leading dating industry experts, gives us clear advice on how to stay safe. She also talks about LUMEN, a free app for the over 50s.

Here is a snippet of the interview with Charly Lester on how to keep safe in the dating world:

  • Always keep conversations on the dating site – you may need to block or report them if they become inappropriate.
  • Don’t give away too much detail.
  • Don’t let them know your full name.
  • When you do arrange to meet up – don’t leave your bag unattended.
  • Don’t leave your drink unattended.
  • Don’t let them drop you home at the end of the night.
  • Apply the same logic as you would, meeting any stranger.
  • Regardless of how much you like them don’t lead with your heart until you get to know them really well.
  • Be cautious – don’t take a picture to send to them that might include your address.

I learned a tremendous amount from my guests, particularly the differences between what men and women look for in a partner.  There is also some wonderful content on how to behave when the cheque/bill arrives. You can hear all of this and much more if you follow the link to my radio show at the top of the page.  Please leave a comment on the sound cloud if any of this resonates with you.

If you wanted to listen again or catch up on our previous programmes you can head to the Presenters page on Women’s Radio Station.com and find me Margaret Tully.  I would also love to hear from you on www.margarettully.international – send me an email and I will get right back to you. (email address is also on my contacts page).

Thank you to Alex and Charly for your open hearts, sharp intelligence, whit and most of all sharing your truth and experiences.  Fit, Fabulous & 50+ if for all people men and women who would like to connect or share how to make living a full and vital life possible for everybody regardless of age.   We need YOU on the radio.  We need your voice.  We need your thoughts.  We need your feelings and concerns to make this community relevant for all who have found life after 50 something to celebrate. We need your ideas so please feel free and  email me any questions you may have.

You can subscribe to Fit, Fabulous & 50+ by simply giving your email address in the box indicated below.

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Thank you for listening!

 

Childless woman or Child Free woman: a matter of perspective!

Fit Fabulous and Fifty + – Child Free Women, All a matter of Perception

Do we need to have children in order to be fulfilled?

I made a decision in my 20s not to have children! I can honestly say I do not regret that choice.

I love children! I enjoy their energy, curiosity, vitality and playfulness. I learn from them. They remind me to stay playful. As a woman I feel a need to nurture and contribute to all the people I meet whether they are young, older or elderly. My mothering instincts express itself in the form of compassion, creativity and confidence: through my work, my relationships and my empathy for a world that, let’s face it, needs love in all its forms. My innate feminine energy is present and evident in everything I do!

Regrets? I’ve had a few but then again too few to mention!

Do I regret not having children? No. I made the right choice for me! I have not failed as a woman! I do realize that not every woman shares my point of view.  I am fine with that! My heart goes out to women that would have loved to have their own biological children but it simply has not happened for them. And my hearts breaks for any woman or man that has lost a child!

Considering the delicacy of these varied circumstances, navigating conversations surrounding family and children can be a tricky one.  I mention tricky and delicate because when asked whether you have children (I and a lot of my child free friends) find themselves reassuring their inquisitor with, ‘oh it’s fine… don’t worry about me… it didn’t happen for me… I’m fine, really I am…’ and on and on.

More often than not people assume you belong in one category or another without knowing your circumstances. They either look confused, disapproving or sympathetic. I recently had a lovely gentleman, who I met at church; moments after meeting me ask the question, ‘Do you have children?’ When I simply replied ‘no, I don’t have any children,’ without hesitation, he uttered, ‘How unfortunate’!

I found this man’s lack of restraint rather refreshing because he voiced what I believe a lot of people think and feel about my circumstances. I have even had women stop dead in their tracks and redirect their attention elsewhere upon learning my predicament.

I feel extremely fortunate and blessed!

This brings me to my main point: I do not feel unfortunate. Yes the beauty and joy of children is a wonderful and beautiful gift. Some would say it is the most creative things we can do with your lives, and I totally get that. But it is not the only way to have a full and creative life. So please do not judge me for making a different choice to you. Children provide milestones for our lives. As a teacher I can see the children that are thriving and the children that are not. For many they are their legacy. However, women that do not have children – can find other means to create a legacy and other avenues to fulfill potential and create milestones. Children, as precious as they are, are not the only way to find fulfilment. Mothering instincts are at work every time we are loving, accepting and nurturing towards others and ourselves.

Are we women first or human beings first?

In a recent interview I asked my interviewee, ‘How would you define yourself as a woman’? I received this response:

I don’t define myself as a woman; I define myself as a person!  What sex I am does not come into it.  When I think about who I am, I think about what I have achieved in my life or what I want to achieve.   I think about what I am most proud of.   Some of us are wives, sisters, friends, lovers, daughters, mothers, aunts, carers. Whether you fulfill one of these roles or all of these roles should not reduce or increase your value as a person.

Very wise thoughts indeed! So in answer to the lovely, honest gentleman who considers my life unfortunate, I would like to say:

Please don’t feel sorry for me. I am sufficient in myself, complete, happy and strong enough to see life through on my own. I take care of myself.   My focus is on how I can contribute to society with my energy, love, resources, creativity, confidence and compassion. I am free to give to people, groups, children and the elderly. I am outward focused and give love and support to all. So please do not feel sorry for me – we all have a place in this world that is vital, important and valuable whether we are mothers or not.  I feel truly blessed and I aim to live a free and vital life full of love, peace and joy. I hope you are as happy and content with your life. I truly wish that for everybody whether you are parents or not and I feel no need to enquiry to which group you belong!

Now if any of this resonates with you and you would like to be involved in the conversation please leave a comment in the box below.   You can also click on the sound cloud and leave a comment or email me margaret@margarettully.com You could also email me on presenters@womensradiostation.com or tweet us @womensradiostn.

Please take the time to listen to Fit Fabulous & 50+ on womens radios station.  You can subscribe by simply giving your email address in the box indicated below.

As always I would love to hear from you –
Please share your ‘childfree’ stories.
Join the conversation.
Leave a comment! (comment box below)
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Getting through the menopause with elegance! Speaking with Dr Sarah Burnett.

Hello and welcome to Fit, Fabulous & 50+ with me Margaret Tully on Women’s Radio Station. Fit Fabulous & 50+ is for all who feel vibrant, sexy and fabulous and want to shout about it. So today I want to talk about THE MENOPAUSE.

 THE CHANGE!

Now when I was growing up The Menopause was referred to as ‘the change’ and it was mouthed rather than voiced. I grew up thinking it was this horrible, scary thing that affected crazy women. So as I was approaching the menopause I was convinced that it was going to bypass me. I decided that I did not have to deal with it. If anybody touched on the subject I would close it down and laugh it off. I would not speak about it because to me it was an embarrassing word. Sooo glad times have changed!

DR SARAH BURNETT DISPELS OUR MISCONCEPTIONS REGARDING THE MENOPAUSE!

Today I am very honoured to be able to interview Dr Sarah Burnett who is going to help us dispel some of our misconception about the menopause.  You can listen to this interview at the top of this blog.

My menopause was late with symptoms really only becoming apparent to me when I was about 54. My first hot flush was one Christmas when I was on holiday in Ireland and I was convinced all the buildings in Ireland had their thermostats turned up. Dr Sarah brilliantly explained the different stages of the menopause.

BIO-IDENTICAL HORMONES!

I now believe I am through the menopause, although I still get hot flushes from time to time. I am very interested in the holistic approach. I spend a lot of times in the States and I have come across something called bio-identical hormones. I have not used them as I don’t understand how their work and I don’t want to source anything that is not completely regulated or locally sourced. However the internet can be a minefield of information – Dr Sarah explain beautifully the  difference between HRT and bio-identical hormones.  If only for this section please listen to the broadcast.

BENEFITS OF INTERMITTENT FASTING.

I love intermittent fasting and I know when I cut out stimulants such as sugar, caffeine and alcohol, I don’t experience as many hot flushes. I have also supplemented soya and Mexican Wild Yam. I bought on line hormone creams that I later find out carry a warning stating it can increase risks of cancer. Dr Sarah sheds light on which supplements help to reduce menopausal symptoms and which supplement should be avoided.

MY TOP TIPS TO ROCK THE MENOPAUSE.

Accept that your body is changing and menopause is nature’s gift to women.

Intermittent fasting (remove – caffeine, alcohol and sugar) allows the body to rest from digestion enough to go into repair mode.

Exercise – walking, yoga, cardio vascular and some sort of weight bearing activity builds strength, and muscle as well as reduces stress.

Meditate – Focus on what you are grateful for in life.

Develop a diet to balance hormones:
  • Keep animal fats low in your diet.
  • Eat organic wherever possible.
  • Break the habits of using stimulants such as coffee, chocolate, sugar,  cigarettes and alcohol.
  • Identify areas of stress in your life and make some positive changes.
  • Make sure you are getting enough essential fats.
Supplements:

Evening primrose oil

Mexican Yam

B complex

Magnesium and zinc

Vitamin E

And don’t forget hydration, hydration, hydration and invest in good quality water avoiding plastic whenever possible.

Please take the time to listen to Fit Fabulous & 50+ on womens radios station.  You can subscribe by simply giving your email address in the box indicated below.

As always I would love to hear from you –
Please share your ‘menopause’ stories and best tips.
Join the conversation.
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7 Ways We Give Away Our Power

Fit, Fabulous & 50+

7 Ways We Give Away Our Power!

 People Pleasing

Inauthenticity

Seeking Approval

Taking Offence

Feeling Superior

Betrayal

Dishonesty/Being Fake

Christmas is nearly here again! A joyous time of year! A time of connecting with friends and family, expressing love and feeling appreciation of all the good things in life!

It is also a time of extreme loneliness and isolation! Fear and anxiety can grip as we struggle financially, physically and emotionally!

This year I enter the holiday season with much sadness! I have lost friends this year! They will stay in my heart forever! Some friends have been taken from me and some have chosen to leave.  Loss is loss, however it comes! It pierces the heart!

This year I have become acutely aware that life is short and it has brought me to a decision.  I am finally coming out of the closet!! Yes, I am not going to pretend anymore!

Friends and family provide a deep and complex reflection of who we think we are! Sometimes they affirm and sometimes they injure; whether it is intentionally or not the pain is the same. It is fierce and it can cut deep!!

Now, being super evolved, aware and spiritual I realise that when I take offence that is my choice. In the past I have taken my offences and placed them on my mantelpiece next to disappointments and frustration. I keep them visible should I need at any time to justify my bad day, feeling down, feeling depressed or angry. Sometimes (more often than not) I get super superior and believe that the person causing the offence would not have behaved in such a manner if they were more conscious, more enlightened and more evolved (like me).

This well constructed philosophy falls down however, when I betray or offend myself. It is a tricky negotiation trying to maintain the moral high ground, against oneself. I believe arguments and grudges provide a convenient distraction from taking a good hard look at our own behaviours and impulses.  We like to blame others rather than own our behaviour!

I did promise to come out of the closet! – stay with me I have one toe out.

Right here goes. I like people and I like having friends, lots of them. I am pretty good at getting rapport and connecting with people, but at what cost? Sometimes, and only sometimes, I exchange my authenticity, with people pleasing, seeking approval and a need for validation for love and connection or my perception of love and connections.  This transaction or bartering renders me dishonest with myself and in my relationships. Out of fear of not being liked I have sometimes pretended to be happy, impressed or amused when the truth is I’m none of these things! I am very good at presenting a version of myself, that I think people will like. I have learned to be funny; agreeable, someone who acquiesces and nods, A LOT.

Thank you, for staying with me – I AM FINALLY OUT! And I mean out, OUT!

So I have made a decision to stop being fake! Strong words I know but such a relief to finally be honest, imperfect and real. I am going to own my power, and I am no longer willing to betray myself any more!   I am cleaning my mantelpiece (love house hold metaphors) and removing all the old excuses. And guess what? If I have betrayed myself with timidity and a need for approval then I have probably betrayed others with dishonesty and inauthenticity. I am probably sitting right now on somebody else’s mantelpiece!

Owning My Power!

I am not afraid to let go of the relationships that drain and deplete energy. I no longer feel the need to negotiate my sense of integrity in order to please another person. I believe that all the love and connection and self-worth I was seeking in others I already possess! Allow me to explain:

We possess the power to love ourself more and more everyday.

We possess the power to accept and love our imperfect self.

We possess the power to take responsibility for our own growth and development.

We possess the power to enjoy life’s journey and love every lesson along the way.

We have the power to let go of any offence and forgive our self for offending others.

We possess the power to feel deep connection with our self, our friends, our family and everyone and everything on this planet.

We have the power to come out of the closet and stay out!

We all have the power to live a free, authentic and courageous life!

If any of this resonates with you, or indeed,  if you disagree we would love to hear your comments. Join our community of Fit, Fabulous and 50+ by subscribing  to our newsletter. We talk about health, goal setting, aging, motivation, gender roles; going after your dreams and much, much more.

You may encounter many defeats, 
but you must not be defeated. 
In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, 
so you can know who you are, 
what you can rise from, 
how you can still come out of it. 

~ Maya Angelou ~

Our community celebrates women who have something to say and who own their power. We need more role models in this world. So please get involved and start by leaving a comment, about how you have taken back your power. Or indeed, you may never have lost it, which is equally enriching. The best conversations take place, in the comment box, which you can find at the top/bottom of this page.

If you have liked what you have read then please give us a shout out by sharing with friends, tweet about us or share on facebook.

As this Christmas season brings us into contact with family and friends let us be grateful for the friends that have touched our hearts and let go of the need to please and cajole. Let us all grow in courage as we speak our truth in love and let go of offences. Happy Christmas everybody, I hope it is a good one!

Dear Margaret Stubbs and Abraham Oswagwo I hope you are resting in peace, you will always hold a place in my heart and I thank you for it!

How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate 
our heroes and she-roes!

~ Maya Angelou ~

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