Tag Archives: self-image

7 Ways We Give Away Our Power

Fit, Fabulous & 50+

7 Ways We Give Away Our Power!

 People Pleasing

Inauthenticity

Seeking Approval

Taking Offence

Feeling Superior

Betrayal

Dishonesty/Being Fake

Christmas is nearly here again! A joyous time of year! A time of connecting with friends and family, expressing love and feeling appreciation of all the good things in life!

It is also a time of extreme loneliness and isolation! Fear and anxiety can grip as we struggle financially, physically and emotionally!

This year I enter the holiday season with much sadness! I have lost friends this year! They will stay in my heart forever! Some friends have been taken from me and some have chosen to leave.  Loss is loss, however it comes! It pierces the heart!

This year I have become acutely aware that life is short and it has brought me to a decision.  I am finally coming out of the closet!! Yes, I am not going to pretend anymore!

Friends and family provide a deep and complex reflection of who we think we are! Sometimes they affirm and sometimes they injure; whether it is intentionally or not the pain is the same. It is fierce and it can cut deep!!

Now, being super evolved, aware and spiritual I realise that when I take offence that is my choice. In the past I have taken my offences and placed them on my mantelpiece next to disappointments and frustration. I keep them visible should I need at any time to justify my bad day, feeling down, feeling depressed or angry. Sometimes (more often than not) I get super superior and believe that the person causing the offence would not have behaved in such a manner if they were more conscious, more enlightened and more evolved (like me).

This well constructed philosophy falls down however, when I betray or offend myself. It is a tricky negotiation trying to maintain the moral high ground, against oneself. I believe arguments and grudges provide a convenient distraction from taking a good hard look at our own behaviours and impulses.  We like to blame others rather than own our behaviour!

I did promise to come out of the closet! – stay with me I have one toe out.

Right here goes. I like people and I like having friends, lots of them. I am pretty good at getting rapport and connecting with people, but at what cost? Sometimes, and only sometimes, I exchange my authenticity, with people pleasing, seeking approval and a need for validation for love and connection or my perception of love and connections.  This transaction or bartering renders me dishonest with myself and in my relationships. Out of fear of not being liked I have sometimes pretended to be happy, impressed or amused when the truth is I’m none of these things! I am very good at presenting a version of myself, that I think people will like. I have learned to be funny; agreeable, someone who acquiesces and nods, A LOT.

Thank you, for staying with me – I AM FINALLY OUT! And I mean out, OUT!

So I have made a decision to stop being fake! Strong words I know but such a relief to finally be honest, imperfect and real. I am going to own my power, and I am no longer willing to betray myself any more!   I am cleaning my mantelpiece (love house hold metaphors) and removing all the old excuses. And guess what? If I have betrayed myself with timidity and a need for approval then I have probably betrayed others with dishonesty and inauthenticity. I am probably sitting right now on somebody else’s mantelpiece!

Owning My Power!

I am not afraid to let go of the relationships that drain and deplete energy. I no longer feel the need to negotiate my sense of integrity in order to please another person. I believe that all the love and connection and self-worth I was seeking in others I already possess! Allow me to explain:

We possess the power to love ourself more and more everyday.

We possess the power to accept and love our imperfect self.

We possess the power to take responsibility for our own growth and development.

We possess the power to enjoy life’s journey and love every lesson along the way.

We have the power to let go of any offence and forgive our self for offending others.

We possess the power to feel deep connection with our self, our friends, our family and everyone and everything on this planet.

We have the power to come out of the closet and stay out!

We all have the power to live a free, authentic and courageous life!

If any of this resonates with you, or indeed,  if you disagree we would love to hear your comments. Join our community of Fit, Fabulous and 50+ by subscribing  to our newsletter. We talk about health, goal setting, aging, motivation, gender roles; going after your dreams and much, much more.

You may encounter many defeats, 
but you must not be defeated. 
In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, 
so you can know who you are, 
what you can rise from, 
how you can still come out of it. 

~ Maya Angelou ~

Our community celebrates women who have something to say and who own their power. We need more role models in this world. So please get involved and start by leaving a comment, about how you have taken back your power. Or indeed, you may never have lost it, which is equally enriching. The best conversations take place, in the comment box, which you can find at the top/bottom of this page.

If you have liked what you have read then please give us a shout out by sharing with friends, tweet about us or share on facebook.

As this Christmas season brings us into contact with family and friends let us be grateful for the friends that have touched our hearts and let go of the need to please and cajole. Let us all grow in courage as we speak our truth in love and let go of offences. Happy Christmas everybody, I hope it is a good one!

Dear Margaret Stubbs and Abraham Oswagwo I hope you are resting in peace, you will always hold a place in my heart and I thank you for it!

How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate 
our heroes and she-roes!

~ Maya Angelou ~

Subscribe to our mailing list

* indicates required




View previous campaigns.

 


Fit, Fabulous & 50+

Margaret Tully’s blog

cropped-blogbig.jpg

Hello I am an actress, director, teacher and life coach. I created Margaret Tully International because I want to work with people who want to experience life at the most exciting level. I live in London, spend a lot of time in the US, have studied with Anthony Robbins and feel what I have learned along my journey could benefit others.

So why do a blog? Well, I need to communicate. I always have! As a young woman it was not too difficult, as being reasonably attractive, I got a lot of attention and some people even seemed interested in what I had to say. I learned to handle the attention by being in charge, in control, humour, wit, funny and sometimes tantrums. As I got older I began to notice the currency by which I once traded (how attractive I felt in the eyes of the world) was producing different returns. Financial metaphors are quite useful when talking about intrinsic value and worth! You see I believe our identity is closely linked to how we view ourselves, in life, in other people’s eyes and in the mirror. Whether you gain significance and value from your career, family, physicality, education, skills or significant other, fundamentally the relationship you have with yourself will be what shapes your identity.

So what happens to us when we get up there in age and are no longer regarded as attractive, no longer of value, no longer sexy, invisible? My blog is about us women who are 50+ but unwilling to settle for the glib stereotyping inundating us by the media. If we have poor opinions of ourselves, and let’s be honest that is encouraged by most advertising companies who want us to compare ourselves to each other, to bill boards, and to a fantasy that is not only unattainable but non representative of a hugh demographic, then we need to take our power back. Back from the advertisers, public opinion, and unrealistic expectations of ourselves and each other.

As a 55 year old woman I can honestly say I feel more excited about life, more confident, much, much more sexy, more energised and vibrant than I ever did in my youth. It is a shame that this representation of women is not celebrated and reflected on TV, magazines and in our conversations. Fit, Fabulous and 50+ will speak to those of us who love who we have become, what we have achieved and contributed. Fit, Fabulous & 50+ supports and celebrates strength, competence, confidence, creativity and compassion.

So relax, get involved, have a natter, sound off, find support and help anyone who is feeling old, unattractive, devalued, invisible, unsexy, fed up or angry. Instead let’s get inspired to stand up be counted and heard. I’m listening, I’m here to serve, encourage, support and love on a big scale. Subscribe to the newsletter for once a month tips on health, wealth, love and career.

Leave a comment and share your amazing accomplishments so that we can get talking, agreeing, disagreeing (respectfully), thinking, confronting and most importantly connecting. Scream about us on Twitter and facebook because there are a lot of US out there. We are Fit, Fabulous and 50+.