Tag Archives: Women after 50

DATING For the Over 50s Who should we date? How should we date? And WHO should we not touch with a barge pole?

Dating: You lost me at Hello!

As a woman in her 50s I have taken the plunge and decided to find love: romantic love to be precise!   I have to say I enjoy being single, so finding a mate means giving up my single lifestyle.  Do I really want to, that is the question?  Let’s just say he will have to be very special as I really, really enjoy my own company!  The single lifestyle gives me oodles of time to pursue my interests, contemplate life’s big questions, spend time with my friends and avoid all kinds of relationship dramas.  My life is pretty perfect and completely uncomplicated!!

Cinderella Complex

I understand the Cinderella Complex so I am not looking for anybody to come along and change my life or save me. I am looking for somebody worthy and happy to give up their single lifestyle in order to enjoy and share a full, fun and uncomplicated life with me.  No time wasters please!  And no drama queens either!  And while we are at it, no narcissists!!  Learning all about those at the moment!!  A bit heavy on the exclamation marks, maybe time to breath.

Has flirting been replaced with a swipe?

Now in my twenties dating was fun and flirting was harmless.  I was attracted by physical appearance, energy and a good sense of humour.  Proximity played a vital part in the mating game. Dating has changed. The art of flirting seems to have been replaced with a swipe. Dating is much more aggressive with on-line profiles and apps. People are not always honest in this world of technological dating.  You can meet someone, form a relationship (of sorts) and break up, all before you have uttered a single word!   The art of seduction has become, for some, a sport with professional scammers targeting my demographic more than any other.  That needs a radio show all of its own!!!

Playing safe!

A recent survey cited that the number of singles over the age of 50 in the UK, U.S. – and many other nations around the world is unprecedented. If this is true then there must be a lot of people out there feeling as I do?  I am going to  investigate and explore the dating scene for the over 50s. Starting today with two guests who talk about how we can navigate the dating arena while staying safe and hopefully have a bit of fun; no euphemism intended!!!

What is LUMEN?

My two guests are The Countess Alex Zapak and Dating Expert Charly Lester.  My clever, intelligent and sexy  guests give a funny and honest account of how to behave on dates; where to look for partners and what to expect while on a date or leading up to going on a date. This interview was originally scheduled for half an hour but there was so much to talk about that we simply keep on going. Charly Lester, who is one of the world’s leading dating industry experts, gives us clear advice on how to stay safe. She also talks about LUMEN, a free app for the over 50s.

Here is a snippet of the interview with Charly Lester on how to keep safe in the dating world:

  • Always keep conversations on the dating site – you may need to block or report them if they become inappropriate.
  • Don’t give away too much detail.
  • Don’t let them know your full name.
  • When you do arrange to meet up – don’t leave your bag unattended.
  • Don’t leave your drink unattended.
  • Don’t let them drop you home at the end of the night.
  • Apply the same logic as you would, meeting any stranger.
  • Regardless of how much you like them don’t lead with your heart until you get to know them really well.
  • Be cautious – don’t take a picture to send to them that might include your address.

I learned a tremendous amount from my guests, particularly the differences between what men and women look for in a partner.  There is also some wonderful content on how to behave when the cheque/bill arrives. You can hear all of this and much more if you follow the link to my radio show at the top of the page.  Please leave a comment on the sound cloud if any of this resonates with you.

If you wanted to listen again or catch up on our previous programmes you can head to the Presenters page on Women’s Radio Station.com and find me Margaret Tully.  I would also love to hear from you on www.margarettully.international – send me an email and I will get right back to you. (email address is also on my contacts page).

Thank you to Alex and Charly for your open hearts, sharp intelligence, whit and most of all sharing your truth and experiences.  Fit, Fabulous & 50+ if for all people men and women who would like to connect or share how to make living a full and vital life possible for everybody regardless of age.   We need YOU on the radio.  We need your voice.  We need your thoughts.  We need your feelings and concerns to make this community relevant for all who have found life after 50 something to celebrate. We need your ideas so please feel free and  email me any questions you may have.

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Childless woman or Child Free woman: a matter of perspective!

Fit Fabulous and Fifty + – Child Free Women, All a matter of Perception

Do we need to have children in order to be fulfilled?

I made a decision in my 20s not to have children! I can honestly say I do not regret that choice.

I love children! I enjoy their energy, curiosity, vitality and playfulness. I learn from them. They remind me to stay playful. As a woman I feel a need to nurture and contribute to all the people I meet whether they are young, older or elderly. My mothering instincts express itself in the form of compassion, creativity and confidence: through my work, my relationships and my empathy for a world that, let’s face it, needs love in all its forms. My innate feminine energy is present and evident in everything I do!

Regrets? I’ve had a few but then again too few to mention!

Do I regret not having children? No. I made the right choice for me! I have not failed as a woman! I do realize that not every woman shares my point of view.  I am fine with that! My heart goes out to women that would have loved to have their own biological children but it simply has not happened for them. And my hearts breaks for any woman or man that has lost a child!

Considering the delicacy of these varied circumstances, navigating conversations surrounding family and children can be a tricky one.  I mention tricky and delicate because when asked whether you have children (I and a lot of my child free friends) find themselves reassuring their inquisitor with, ‘oh it’s fine… don’t worry about me… it didn’t happen for me… I’m fine, really I am…’ and on and on.

More often than not people assume you belong in one category or another without knowing your circumstances. They either look confused, disapproving or sympathetic. I recently had a lovely gentleman, who I met at church; moments after meeting me ask the question, ‘Do you have children?’ When I simply replied ‘no, I don’t have any children,’ without hesitation, he uttered, ‘How unfortunate’!

I found this man’s lack of restraint rather refreshing because he voiced what I believe a lot of people think and feel about my circumstances. I have even had women stop dead in their tracks and redirect their attention elsewhere upon learning my predicament.

I feel extremely fortunate and blessed!

This brings me to my main point: I do not feel unfortunate. Yes the beauty and joy of children is a wonderful and beautiful gift. Some would say it is the most creative things we can do with your lives, and I totally get that. But it is not the only way to have a full and creative life. So please do not judge me for making a different choice to you. Children provide milestones for our lives. As a teacher I can see the children that are thriving and the children that are not. For many they are their legacy. However, women that do not have children – can find other means to create a legacy and other avenues to fulfill potential and create milestones. Children, as precious as they are, are not the only way to find fulfilment. Mothering instincts are at work every time we are loving, accepting and nurturing towards others and ourselves.

Are we women first or human beings first?

In a recent interview I asked my interviewee, ‘How would you define yourself as a woman’? I received this response:

I don’t define myself as a woman; I define myself as a person!  What sex I am does not come into it.  When I think about who I am, I think about what I have achieved in my life or what I want to achieve.   I think about what I am most proud of.   Some of us are wives, sisters, friends, lovers, daughters, mothers, aunts, carers. Whether you fulfill one of these roles or all of these roles should not reduce or increase your value as a person.

Very wise thoughts indeed! So in answer to the lovely, honest gentleman who considers my life unfortunate, I would like to say:

Please don’t feel sorry for me. I am sufficient in myself, complete, happy and strong enough to see life through on my own. I take care of myself.   My focus is on how I can contribute to society with my energy, love, resources, creativity, confidence and compassion. I am free to give to people, groups, children and the elderly. I am outward focused and give love and support to all. So please do not feel sorry for me – we all have a place in this world that is vital, important and valuable whether we are mothers or not.  I feel truly blessed and I aim to live a free and vital life full of love, peace and joy. I hope you are as happy and content with your life. I truly wish that for everybody whether you are parents or not and I feel no need to enquiry to which group you belong!

Now if any of this resonates with you and you would like to be involved in the conversation please leave a comment in the box below.   You can also click on the sound cloud and leave a comment or email me margaret@margarettully.com You could also email me on presenters@womensradiostation.com or tweet us @womensradiostn.

Please take the time to listen to Fit Fabulous & 50+ on womens radios station.  You can subscribe by simply giving your email address in the box indicated below.

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Getting through the menopause with elegance! Speaking with Dr Sarah Burnett.

Hello and welcome to Fit, Fabulous & 50+ with me Margaret Tully on Women’s Radio Station. Fit Fabulous & 50+ is for all who feel vibrant, sexy and fabulous and want to shout about it. So today I want to talk about THE MENOPAUSE.

 THE CHANGE!

Now when I was growing up The Menopause was referred to as ‘the change’ and it was mouthed rather than voiced. I grew up thinking it was this horrible, scary thing that affected crazy women. So as I was approaching the menopause I was convinced that it was going to bypass me. I decided that I did not have to deal with it. If anybody touched on the subject I would close it down and laugh it off. I would not speak about it because to me it was an embarrassing word. Sooo glad times have changed!

DR SARAH BURNETT DISPELS OUR MISCONCEPTIONS REGARDING THE MENOPAUSE!

Today I am very honoured to be able to interview Dr Sarah Burnett who is going to help us dispel some of our misconception about the menopause.  You can listen to this interview at the top of this blog.

My menopause was late with symptoms really only becoming apparent to me when I was about 54. My first hot flush was one Christmas when I was on holiday in Ireland and I was convinced all the buildings in Ireland had their thermostats turned up. Dr Sarah brilliantly explained the different stages of the menopause.

BIO-IDENTICAL HORMONES!

I now believe I am through the menopause, although I still get hot flushes from time to time. I am very interested in the holistic approach. I spend a lot of times in the States and I have come across something called bio-identical hormones. I have not used them as I don’t understand how their work and I don’t want to source anything that is not completely regulated or locally sourced. However the internet can be a minefield of information – Dr Sarah explain beautifully the  difference between HRT and bio-identical hormones.  If only for this section please listen to the broadcast.

BENEFITS OF INTERMITTENT FASTING.

I love intermittent fasting and I know when I cut out stimulants such as sugar, caffeine and alcohol, I don’t experience as many hot flushes. I have also supplemented soya and Mexican Wild Yam. I bought on line hormone creams that I later find out carry a warning stating it can increase risks of cancer. Dr Sarah sheds light on which supplements help to reduce menopausal symptoms and which supplement should be avoided.

MY TOP TIPS TO ROCK THE MENOPAUSE.

Accept that your body is changing and menopause is nature’s gift to women.

Intermittent fasting (remove – caffeine, alcohol and sugar) allows the body to rest from digestion enough to go into repair mode.

Exercise – walking, yoga, cardio vascular and some sort of weight bearing activity builds strength, and muscle as well as reduces stress.

Meditate – Focus on what you are grateful for in life.

Develop a diet to balance hormones:
  • Keep animal fats low in your diet.
  • Eat organic wherever possible.
  • Break the habits of using stimulants such as coffee, chocolate, sugar,  cigarettes and alcohol.
  • Identify areas of stress in your life and make some positive changes.
  • Make sure you are getting enough essential fats.
Supplements:

Evening primrose oil

Mexican Yam

B complex

Magnesium and zinc

Vitamin E

And don’t forget hydration, hydration, hydration and invest in good quality water avoiding plastic whenever possible.

Please take the time to listen to Fit Fabulous & 50+ on womens radios station.  You can subscribe by simply giving your email address in the box indicated below.

As always I would love to hear from you –
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AGEISM? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? WHO DOES IT AFFECT? HOW DOES IT MANIFEST?

 

I raise up my voice—not so I can shout, but so that those without a voice can be heard… we cannot succeed when half of us are held back.

Malala Yousafzai

Women’s Radio Station

I am delighted that Fit Fabulous & 50+ has been given a slot on Women’s Radio Station.  Our first podcast will be on the subject of ageism. I hope you will enjoy listening and get involved by leaving a comment and letting me know your thoughts and feelings. Also please contact the radio station and give your feedback in order that we can know how best to serve our community of women after 50.

Ageism?

Today I want to talk about ageism. What does it mean? Who does it affect? And how does it manifest in our language, attitudes and beliefs?

Ageism is stereotyping and discrimination against individuals or groups based on age.
Stereotyping?

I would argue that unlike more obvious forms of stereotyping such as racism and sexism, ageism is more resistant to change because it is so ingrained in our ideology that it is rarely challenged or acknowledged. Words such as elderly, frail, past it, over the hill and decrepit diminish the value of older adults. Ageist terms should be as unacceptable as racist or sexist ones!

Even older individuals themselves are sometimes guilty of using ageist language and therefore ageism becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. How many times have you heard an older person say, ‘I’m having a senior moment’!

Researchers have analysed the effects of ageism on society and found that cultures that venerate older generations have less ageism in their language. And as a consequence these groups of older people perform much better in memory tests. They show larger independence, defying ageist assumptions, demonstrating a healthier lifestyle, both mentally and physically.

So how does ageism affect us as women over 50?

I work as an actress and it is my heart’s desire to represent women in a positive light. However women after 50 in America and the UK on television and in film are very rarely presented in a positive light. Older women are often presented as unattractive, bitter, unhappy or unsuccessful. This can have an impact on our self-image, with thoughts of underachievement, ugliness, and disgust.

Why do we feel the need to look younger than our age?

I think the reason some women in my business are obsessed with looking younger is because we are not expected to look our age. We are expected to look younger. When people guess our age correctly it can be seen as some sort of failure. We become fearful of wrinkles, cellulite, or any other signifiers of aging.

Without the visibility and representation of older women who are aging in a healthy, happy and successful way in the media there is an implicit agreement that women never age. The idea that women do not age, and that older women are less attractive, is harmful to all women. By not challenging this we because complicit in the invisibility of older women in the media and consequently set women up to strive for something that is impossible to achieve: eternal youth.

So what can we do to bring about awareness and change?

I would love to hear your comments on how to bring about change and raise awareness on this subject. Let us become acutely aware of patronizing language on both the young, middle aged and older generation. AND let us stop feeling SORRY for older people (like it is some sort of affliction) and start to venerate a long life, experience and knowledge. Let us stay as healthy and vital as possible by learning new skills and keeping our bodies and minds flexible.

Words such as elderly, frail, past it, over the hill and decrepit when talking about age should be as unacceptable as racist or sexist words. I recently became aware of a new phrases: sexpiration date! Apparently referring to somebody who is considered past the date of attractiveness. This is offensive and quite honesty not acceptable in a society that has equality as one of its core values.

We need to kick ass!

Let’s petition, demand, shout and kick ass, to get more older women on our screens. But most importantly let us make peace with the aging process and be happy and proud of our age. And lets stop trying to conform to a standard that does not exist.

Old Souls & Beautiful Hearts!!

Aging is in the mind and in the soul. We often refer to wise people as being, old souls. Well when I grow up I want to be a very OLD soul with a huge heart and a fierce spirit. Join me, have your voice heard, express what is in your soul, and shout as loud as you can. We need to unite, we need to make noise, we need to bring change so that future generations will feel deeply valued and appreciated whatever their age, whatever their sex, whatever their race!! In this year of ‘The Woman’ let us fight for equality across every strata of society. Like Emily Pankhurst, let us stand up for women, of all abilities, cultures and ages.

Please get in touch if you have experienced discrimination because of your age? Or Please get into the conversation if you have a positive experience to share.

And if you have any further questions or comments for ‘Fit, Fabulous & 50+ please get in touch  in the comments box. You can also tweet about us.  Or join us on Facebook or Linkedin. And if you would like to hear more sign up to our newsletter. You are important to us so let us know how we can best serve you and our community of Fit, Fabulous & 50+ women.  Thank you for taking the time to read our blog and wishing you a happy and healthy summer.  Bye for now!  Margaret Tully

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How BIG is Your BUT?

How Big is Your But?

January as a month is long, cold and dark!  As we wrap ourselves up and brace the weather there seems to be a general malaise of knuckling-down and getting through. We even have a day called ‘Blue Monday’ purported to be the most depressing day of the year.
Therefore loving New Year but disliking January seems like an oxymoron!

SO WHY IS JANUARY SO GRIM?

January could be viewed as the month we feel the most stress. Financial stress as we deal with our post Christmas bank balance. Physical stress as our body manifest the results of all the excesses from the holiday season. And emotional stress as we see our resolutions and goals fade into a cacophony of buts.

Statistics tell us that the majority will have abandoned their New Year’s Resolution by January 10th.

I would like to rebrand January as the month where we encounter our Buts!

How big is your But?

You see I think there is a trick to setting goals. Firstly, set outrageous ones!! Keep them visible and focus on them at least once a day.

I used to set very realistic goals – I did not want to be disappointed! Then I read ‘Think and Grow Rich’  which taught how to set bigger goals and focus on them every day.  I also learned about the law of diminishing intent!  This law suggests that we loose momentum every seven to ten days – so it is important to factor into your goal setting – motivators every 7 – 10 days. After all it is never really about achieving your goals. The purpose of goals is to have a focus and observe who we become as we move towards them.  The process changes us and keeps us in a state of growth.

The worst enemy to any goal is one very powerful word: ‘BUT’!

So at what point in January did you encounter your But?

I encounter it most January mornings when it is cold and raining and I don’t want to leave my warm bed. I have to make the reason I get up bigger than the warmth and comfort I feel staying in my bed. The bed analogy serves to show the contrast between making effort and staying comfortable. This principal can be applied to any goal we set where we have to exert some effort. It is very easy to opt out and let our self off the hook. The key is to make your goal compelling enough to shift from ‘but’ to ‘I will… I have… I am…’

Here are some of the biggest buts I have come across:

But I am too tired…
But I don’t workout…
But I don’t have the money…
But I’ve tried everything and nothing works…
But I’m just meant to stay this way…
But I don’t like being outside my comfort zone…
But I’m fine just the way I am…
But I don’t like shakes…
But this is my addiction…
But I never went to University…
But I’m too old now…
But I’m too young…
But I’ve got a bad back…

But I love food…
But I can’t until I loose some weight and get fitter…
But it’s not my fault…
But I have kids…
But I’m not interested…
But I don’t have the confidence…
But I’m afraid…
But I can’t wait that long…
But what will people think of me…
But I don’t want to offend anybody…
But I find it really difficult to say no…
But what if I fail…
But what if nobody likes me…
But maybe I should just settle for what is familiar…
But I’m scared…
But what if nobody comes…
But what if nobody likes me…
But what if I upset somebody…
But I won’t know anybody…
But what if they make fun of me…
But this is not my skill set…
But what if I am a success…

We all have BUTs – question is how big is yours? And do you let your BUT control your life?

So if I rebranded January to be the month of BUTs – when we hear it – realize that we are about to have a break-through and find a way of celebrating instead of deliberating. Don’t’ allow the BUTs to defeat us, excuse us or divert us.

Hold the vision up – focus on it and know that tomorrow is another day and decide the New Year and your goals can start any day of the year. Don’t give up on your goals if by January 31st you have not started yet. You will start to move towards your goals when you are ready and once you start laugh your BUT in the face and give it the biggest kick in the BUTT!

Happy New Year! AND Happy New You!  I can tell you now my BUT does not look good in this!

As always I would love to hear from you –
Please share your ‘But’ stories and breakthroughs.
Join the conversation.
Leave a comment! (comment box below of the blog!!)
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As long as we keep the vision we can start/restart at anytime and kick all our buts in the Butt.

One of our goals is to build our community of Fit, Fabulous & 50+ to over 1000 in 2018. I need all of you to get on board and help make this happen by shouting about us.  Please sign up to our newsletter below by just giving your email address:

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Happy New Year – Happy New You!

I love New Year – Letter Go AND Looking Forward!

I believe the best is yet to come! As I approach my 59th year I have decided to meet it head on and remove any glimpse of shame. From about the age of 31 I have been avoiding the question of age. There were times (in my past) where I tried to pass myself off as younger – from 5 to 10 years and once a whole two years. (I guess I was having a very strange day!) Being in denial did not just play itself out with age it was also connected to my weight.

My 50s I would sum up as the decade where I started to avoid mirrors (unless the lighting was very flattering) and scales. I had gained weight and I was struggling with my identity because I had always been thin, svelt, skinny, lanky and at times down right gaunt. As a former Las Vegas showgirl this served me well most of the time (except the time when I was threatened with the sack if I did not gain weight).

In 2017 I decided to participate in something called the Isabody Challenge. This is run by a company called Isagenix and requires before and after shots with 90 days optimum nutritional cleansing. I am now on my second challenge, and I have lost 22lbs and 26 inches. I finally achieved the goal I had held for 10 years. More than the weight loss is the feeling of satisfaction I have knowing I can achieve anything I set my heart to. I have a new life style, a new attitude and (without feeling smug or cocky) an overall feeling of well-being and confidence.

I am sharing this because I want to encourage any of you that want to take control of their health and weight to do it now! Invest in yourself.  Set some goals and start moving towards them. As I said it took me six months but the process is so fabulous. Getting a strong focus and the feeling of certainty and deep, deep satisfaction. Whatever method you choose you can do it. I choose Isagenix and I believe this is a wonderful company to align with. If you would like to learn more, please do not delay, get in touch and I will talk you through, support you and cheer you every inch of the way. The benefits are more than just loosing weight – I now have:

  • Increased vitality and energy.
  • More productive hours in the day.
  • I have released (22 lbs) and (26 inches).
  • I feel stronger and enjoy exercise (running, yoga, tennis and lots more).
  • My hair and skin feel amazing. No hair shedding as well as sleek and soft texture.
  • Bright and breezy in the morning.
  • Sleep better and therefore less is needed.
  • Raised confidence and self-esteem.
  • Hot flashes/flushes considerably reduced.

I would love to hear your thoughts so please leave a comment on the top of this page and join in the conversation. If you have not signed up to my newsletter please subscribe by simply giving your email address at the bottom of this page.

If you think this may be of interest to a friend please share on facebook, twitter or simply forward it.

Happy New Year and I hope that 2018 you are blessed with good health, wealth, vitality and lots and lots of love.

As always it is my pleasure and gift to you to share in this wonderful community of Fit, Fabulous and 50+ women and men. 2018 is going to be an amazing year, align yourself with the leaders of the pack and celebrate, celebrate, celebrate!!!

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