Tag Archives: women over 50

DATING For the Over 50s Who should we date? How should we date? And WHO should we not touch with a barge pole?

Dating: You lost me at Hello!

As a woman in her 50s I have taken the plunge and decided to find love: romantic love to be precise!   I have to say I enjoy being single, so finding a mate means giving up my single lifestyle.  Do I really want to, that is the question?  Let’s just say he will have to be very special as I really, really enjoy my own company!  The single lifestyle gives me oodles of time to pursue my interests, contemplate life’s big questions, spend time with my friends and avoid all kinds of relationship dramas.  My life is pretty perfect and completely uncomplicated!!

Cinderella Complex

I understand the Cinderella Complex so I am not looking for anybody to come along and change my life or save me. I am looking for somebody worthy and happy to give up their single lifestyle in order to enjoy and share a full, fun and uncomplicated life with me.  No time wasters please!  And no drama queens either!  And while we are at it, no narcissists!!  Learning all about those at the moment!!  A bit heavy on the exclamation marks, maybe time to breath.

Has flirting been replaced with a swipe?

Now in my twenties dating was fun and flirting was harmless.  I was attracted by physical appearance, energy and a good sense of humour.  Proximity played a vital part in the mating game. Dating has changed. The art of flirting seems to have been replaced with a swipe. Dating is much more aggressive with on-line profiles and apps. People are not always honest in this world of technological dating.  You can meet someone, form a relationship (of sorts) and break up, all before you have uttered a single word!   The art of seduction has become, for some, a sport with professional scammers targeting my demographic more than any other.  That needs a radio show all of its own!!!

Playing safe!

A recent survey cited that the number of singles over the age of 50 in the UK, U.S. – and many other nations around the world is unprecedented. If this is true then there must be a lot of people out there feeling as I do?  I am going to  investigate and explore the dating scene for the over 50s. Starting today with two guests who talk about how we can navigate the dating arena while staying safe and hopefully have a bit of fun; no euphemism intended!!!

What is LUMEN?

My two guests are The Countess Alex Zapak and Dating Expert Charly Lester.  My clever, intelligent and sexy  guests give a funny and honest account of how to behave on dates; where to look for partners and what to expect while on a date or leading up to going on a date. This interview was originally scheduled for half an hour but there was so much to talk about that we simply keep on going. Charly Lester, who is one of the world’s leading dating industry experts, gives us clear advice on how to stay safe. She also talks about LUMEN, a free app for the over 50s.

Here is a snippet of the interview with Charly Lester on how to keep safe in the dating world:

  • Always keep conversations on the dating site – you may need to block or report them if they become inappropriate.
  • Don’t give away too much detail.
  • Don’t let them know your full name.
  • When you do arrange to meet up – don’t leave your bag unattended.
  • Don’t leave your drink unattended.
  • Don’t let them drop you home at the end of the night.
  • Apply the same logic as you would, meeting any stranger.
  • Regardless of how much you like them don’t lead with your heart until you get to know them really well.
  • Be cautious – don’t take a picture to send to them that might include your address.

I learned a tremendous amount from my guests, particularly the differences between what men and women look for in a partner.  There is also some wonderful content on how to behave when the cheque/bill arrives. You can hear all of this and much more if you follow the link to my radio show at the top of the page.  Please leave a comment on the sound cloud if any of this resonates with you.

If you wanted to listen again or catch up on our previous programmes you can head to the Presenters page on Women’s Radio Station.com and find me Margaret Tully.  I would also love to hear from you on www.margarettully.international – send me an email and I will get right back to you. (email address is also on my contacts page).

Thank you to Alex and Charly for your open hearts, sharp intelligence, whit and most of all sharing your truth and experiences.  Fit, Fabulous & 50+ if for all people men and women who would like to connect or share how to make living a full and vital life possible for everybody regardless of age.   We need YOU on the radio.  We need your voice.  We need your thoughts.  We need your feelings and concerns to make this community relevant for all who have found life after 50 something to celebrate. We need your ideas so please feel free and  email me any questions you may have.

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Thank you for listening!

 

Getting through the menopause with elegance! Speaking with Dr Sarah Burnett.

Hello and welcome to Fit, Fabulous & 50+ with me Margaret Tully on Women’s Radio Station. Fit Fabulous & 50+ is for all who feel vibrant, sexy and fabulous and want to shout about it. So today I want to talk about THE MENOPAUSE.

 THE CHANGE!

Now when I was growing up The Menopause was referred to as ‘the change’ and it was mouthed rather than voiced. I grew up thinking it was this horrible, scary thing that affected crazy women. So as I was approaching the menopause I was convinced that it was going to bypass me. I decided that I did not have to deal with it. If anybody touched on the subject I would close it down and laugh it off. I would not speak about it because to me it was an embarrassing word. Sooo glad times have changed!

DR SARAH BURNETT DISPELS OUR MISCONCEPTIONS REGARDING THE MENOPAUSE!

Today I am very honoured to be able to interview Dr Sarah Burnett who is going to help us dispel some of our misconception about the menopause.  You can listen to this interview at the top of this blog.

My menopause was late with symptoms really only becoming apparent to me when I was about 54. My first hot flush was one Christmas when I was on holiday in Ireland and I was convinced all the buildings in Ireland had their thermostats turned up. Dr Sarah brilliantly explained the different stages of the menopause.

BIO-IDENTICAL HORMONES!

I now believe I am through the menopause, although I still get hot flushes from time to time. I am very interested in the holistic approach. I spend a lot of times in the States and I have come across something called bio-identical hormones. I have not used them as I don’t understand how their work and I don’t want to source anything that is not completely regulated or locally sourced. However the internet can be a minefield of information – Dr Sarah explain beautifully the  difference between HRT and bio-identical hormones.  If only for this section please listen to the broadcast.

BENEFITS OF INTERMITTENT FASTING.

I love intermittent fasting and I know when I cut out stimulants such as sugar, caffeine and alcohol, I don’t experience as many hot flushes. I have also supplemented soya and Mexican Wild Yam. I bought on line hormone creams that I later find out carry a warning stating it can increase risks of cancer. Dr Sarah sheds light on which supplements help to reduce menopausal symptoms and which supplement should be avoided.

MY TOP TIPS TO ROCK THE MENOPAUSE.

Accept that your body is changing and menopause is nature’s gift to women.

Intermittent fasting (remove – caffeine, alcohol and sugar) allows the body to rest from digestion enough to go into repair mode.

Exercise – walking, yoga, cardio vascular and some sort of weight bearing activity builds strength, and muscle as well as reduces stress.

Meditate – Focus on what you are grateful for in life.

Develop a diet to balance hormones:
  • Keep animal fats low in your diet.
  • Eat organic wherever possible.
  • Break the habits of using stimulants such as coffee, chocolate, sugar,  cigarettes and alcohol.
  • Identify areas of stress in your life and make some positive changes.
  • Make sure you are getting enough essential fats.
Supplements:

Evening primrose oil

Mexican Yam

B complex

Magnesium and zinc

Vitamin E

And don’t forget hydration, hydration, hydration and invest in good quality water avoiding plastic whenever possible.

Please take the time to listen to Fit Fabulous & 50+ on womens radios station.  You can subscribe by simply giving your email address in the box indicated below.

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How BIG is Your BUT?

How Big is Your But?

January as a month is long, cold and dark!  As we wrap ourselves up and brace the weather there seems to be a general malaise of knuckling-down and getting through. We even have a day called ‘Blue Monday’ purported to be the most depressing day of the year.
Therefore loving New Year but disliking January seems like an oxymoron!

SO WHY IS JANUARY SO GRIM?

January could be viewed as the month we feel the most stress. Financial stress as we deal with our post Christmas bank balance. Physical stress as our body manifest the results of all the excesses from the holiday season. And emotional stress as we see our resolutions and goals fade into a cacophony of buts.

Statistics tell us that the majority will have abandoned their New Year’s Resolution by January 10th.

I would like to rebrand January as the month where we encounter our Buts!

How big is your But?

You see I think there is a trick to setting goals. Firstly, set outrageous ones!! Keep them visible and focus on them at least once a day.

I used to set very realistic goals – I did not want to be disappointed! Then I read ‘Think and Grow Rich’  which taught how to set bigger goals and focus on them every day.  I also learned about the law of diminishing intent!  This law suggests that we loose momentum every seven to ten days – so it is important to factor into your goal setting – motivators every 7 – 10 days. After all it is never really about achieving your goals. The purpose of goals is to have a focus and observe who we become as we move towards them.  The process changes us and keeps us in a state of growth.

The worst enemy to any goal is one very powerful word: ‘BUT’!

So at what point in January did you encounter your But?

I encounter it most January mornings when it is cold and raining and I don’t want to leave my warm bed. I have to make the reason I get up bigger than the warmth and comfort I feel staying in my bed. The bed analogy serves to show the contrast between making effort and staying comfortable. This principal can be applied to any goal we set where we have to exert some effort. It is very easy to opt out and let our self off the hook. The key is to make your goal compelling enough to shift from ‘but’ to ‘I will… I have… I am…’

Here are some of the biggest buts I have come across:

But I am too tired…
But I don’t workout…
But I don’t have the money…
But I’ve tried everything and nothing works…
But I’m just meant to stay this way…
But I don’t like being outside my comfort zone…
But I’m fine just the way I am…
But I don’t like shakes…
But this is my addiction…
But I never went to University…
But I’m too old now…
But I’m too young…
But I’ve got a bad back…

But I love food…
But I can’t until I loose some weight and get fitter…
But it’s not my fault…
But I have kids…
But I’m not interested…
But I don’t have the confidence…
But I’m afraid…
But I can’t wait that long…
But what will people think of me…
But I don’t want to offend anybody…
But I find it really difficult to say no…
But what if I fail…
But what if nobody likes me…
But maybe I should just settle for what is familiar…
But I’m scared…
But what if nobody comes…
But what if nobody likes me…
But what if I upset somebody…
But I won’t know anybody…
But what if they make fun of me…
But this is not my skill set…
But what if I am a success…

We all have BUTs – question is how big is yours? And do you let your BUT control your life?

So if I rebranded January to be the month of BUTs – when we hear it – realize that we are about to have a break-through and find a way of celebrating instead of deliberating. Don’t’ allow the BUTs to defeat us, excuse us or divert us.

Hold the vision up – focus on it and know that tomorrow is another day and decide the New Year and your goals can start any day of the year. Don’t give up on your goals if by January 31st you have not started yet. You will start to move towards your goals when you are ready and once you start laugh your BUT in the face and give it the biggest kick in the BUTT!

Happy New Year! AND Happy New You!  I can tell you now my BUT does not look good in this!

As always I would love to hear from you –
Please share your ‘But’ stories and breakthroughs.
Join the conversation.
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As long as we keep the vision we can start/restart at anytime and kick all our buts in the Butt.

One of our goals is to build our community of Fit, Fabulous & 50+ to over 1000 in 2018. I need all of you to get on board and help make this happen by shouting about us.  Please sign up to our newsletter below by just giving your email address:

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7 Ways We Give Away Our Power

Fit, Fabulous & 50+

7 Ways We Give Away Our Power!

 People Pleasing

Inauthenticity

Seeking Approval

Taking Offence

Feeling Superior

Betrayal

Dishonesty/Being Fake

Christmas is nearly here again! A joyous time of year! A time of connecting with friends and family, expressing love and feeling appreciation of all the good things in life!

It is also a time of extreme loneliness and isolation! Fear and anxiety can grip as we struggle financially, physically and emotionally!

This year I enter the holiday season with much sadness! I have lost friends this year! They will stay in my heart forever! Some friends have been taken from me and some have chosen to leave.  Loss is loss, however it comes! It pierces the heart!

This year I have become acutely aware that life is short and it has brought me to a decision.  I am finally coming out of the closet!! Yes, I am not going to pretend anymore!

Friends and family provide a deep and complex reflection of who we think we are! Sometimes they affirm and sometimes they injure; whether it is intentionally or not the pain is the same. It is fierce and it can cut deep!!

Now, being super evolved, aware and spiritual I realise that when I take offence that is my choice. In the past I have taken my offences and placed them on my mantelpiece next to disappointments and frustration. I keep them visible should I need at any time to justify my bad day, feeling down, feeling depressed or angry. Sometimes (more often than not) I get super superior and believe that the person causing the offence would not have behaved in such a manner if they were more conscious, more enlightened and more evolved (like me).

This well constructed philosophy falls down however, when I betray or offend myself. It is a tricky negotiation trying to maintain the moral high ground, against oneself. I believe arguments and grudges provide a convenient distraction from taking a good hard look at our own behaviours and impulses.  We like to blame others rather than own our behaviour!

I did promise to come out of the closet! – stay with me I have one toe out.

Right here goes. I like people and I like having friends, lots of them. I am pretty good at getting rapport and connecting with people, but at what cost? Sometimes, and only sometimes, I exchange my authenticity, with people pleasing, seeking approval and a need for validation for love and connection or my perception of love and connections.  This transaction or bartering renders me dishonest with myself and in my relationships. Out of fear of not being liked I have sometimes pretended to be happy, impressed or amused when the truth is I’m none of these things! I am very good at presenting a version of myself, that I think people will like. I have learned to be funny; agreeable, someone who acquiesces and nods, A LOT.

Thank you, for staying with me – I AM FINALLY OUT! And I mean out, OUT!

So I have made a decision to stop being fake! Strong words I know but such a relief to finally be honest, imperfect and real. I am going to own my power, and I am no longer willing to betray myself any more!   I am cleaning my mantelpiece (love house hold metaphors) and removing all the old excuses. And guess what? If I have betrayed myself with timidity and a need for approval then I have probably betrayed others with dishonesty and inauthenticity. I am probably sitting right now on somebody else’s mantelpiece!

Owning My Power!

I am not afraid to let go of the relationships that drain and deplete energy. I no longer feel the need to negotiate my sense of integrity in order to please another person. I believe that all the love and connection and self-worth I was seeking in others I already possess! Allow me to explain:

We possess the power to love ourself more and more everyday.

We possess the power to accept and love our imperfect self.

We possess the power to take responsibility for our own growth and development.

We possess the power to enjoy life’s journey and love every lesson along the way.

We have the power to let go of any offence and forgive our self for offending others.

We possess the power to feel deep connection with our self, our friends, our family and everyone and everything on this planet.

We have the power to come out of the closet and stay out!

We all have the power to live a free, authentic and courageous life!

If any of this resonates with you, or indeed,  if you disagree we would love to hear your comments. Join our community of Fit, Fabulous and 50+ by subscribing  to our newsletter. We talk about health, goal setting, aging, motivation, gender roles; going after your dreams and much, much more.

You may encounter many defeats, 
but you must not be defeated. 
In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, 
so you can know who you are, 
what you can rise from, 
how you can still come out of it. 

~ Maya Angelou ~

Our community celebrates women who have something to say and who own their power. We need more role models in this world. So please get involved and start by leaving a comment, about how you have taken back your power. Or indeed, you may never have lost it, which is equally enriching. The best conversations take place, in the comment box, which you can find at the top/bottom of this page.

If you have liked what you have read then please give us a shout out by sharing with friends, tweet about us or share on facebook.

As this Christmas season brings us into contact with family and friends let us be grateful for the friends that have touched our hearts and let go of the need to please and cajole. Let us all grow in courage as we speak our truth in love and let go of offences. Happy Christmas everybody, I hope it is a good one!

Dear Margaret Stubbs and Abraham Oswagwo I hope you are resting in peace, you will always hold a place in my heart and I thank you for it!

How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate 
our heroes and she-roes!

~ Maya Angelou ~

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3 Powerful Ways to Increase Confidence & Self Esteem

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The most beautiful thing you can wear is CONFIDENCE

Growing Older & Loss of Confidence!

I asked friends on Facebook what were their concerns about getting older? Health issues; concerns over money; as well as loss of confidence were the dominant themes.  Confidence has always been my ally when I want to take on new projects or learn new skills.  That does not mean there is no fear, I acknowledge fear and I allow fear and confidence to exist simultaneously.  I guess that is why I feel confident because I accept that fear exists but it is not in charge, I am.

So What is Confidence and How is it Different from Self-Esteem?

‘Confidence describes how we feel about our ability to perform roles, functions and tasks. Self esteem is how we feel about ourselves, the way we look and the way we think. Whether or not we feel worthy and valued.’   ‘…confident people experience feelings of well being, acceptance of their body and mind and belief in their abilities, skills and experiences.’

I stated that I believe I have confidence but that does not mean that I have never struggled with low self-esteem or lack of confidence!  I do not believe that confidence is a mysterious quality that only some people have.   I believe confidence can be learned, increased and developed. My life and now my career is a quest to increase my confidence and raise self-esteem continually.   So how will I go about this?  I will train myself!  Confidence and Self-Esteem touches of three aspects of who we are:

1.     How we feel about our Appearance
2.     How We Think
3.     Skills & Abilities

Therefore we could increase our confidence and self-esteem by working on these three areas, for example –

Appearance – we all have something we would like to work on regarding our appearance. A simple visit to the hair dressers; making a decision to loose or gain weight. Take that yoga or fitness class. The list could go on and on.   Once you have chosen an area, take massive action.  I have just started spin classes. I want to build stamina and loose some weight. Every time I take the class I focus on the goal!  It feels great because I have taken action and that alone increases my confidence!

How we think – what kind of mind chatter do we have that is disempowering? It will be that one thing you say to yourself when you are feeling low. Negative thoughts are a way of beating ourselves up and keeping us stuck. Mine is that I am too old to pursue my dreams. As soon as that thought comes into my mind I remind myself that I am the perfect age to be doing what I am doing and I reverse the negative self-talk.  I literally replace it with a positive and empowering affirmation.  The more I practice this the quicker my response and the less power I give those negative thoughts until they disappear.  I then congratulate myself for not putting up with any negative people in my life, including myself!

Skills & Abilities  – Search your heart for that one desire that has never gone away. Mine was I want to learn piano, I have said this for years. Well I have now started and it feels amazing. Slowly without judgement I am learning two cord melodies and I love it. I also began my degree when I was 37 and I loved every single minute of it. Best thing I have ever done. I did not worry about resources because I knew once I’d made the decision I would find all the resources I needed and I finished that degree and then went on to do two more.

So you can train yourself to be more confident while increasing your self-esteem!  Let us celebrate who we are by  loving and accepting our appearance and reversing any negative chatter that gives us excuses for not pursuing our dreams and goals.  If you are flying high in these areas then God bless you and please encourage others to go for it too. It is the birthright of everybody?

Please leave a comment in the box below and be an encouragement to others and don’t forget to share, share, share. Let’s keep learning, growing and celebrating!

Let us live with CONFIDENCE, CREATIVITY AND COMPASSION!

 

Are you Sick and Tired of feeling ‘Sick and Tired?’

FIT, FABULOUS & 50+   NOVEMBER 2014
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Are you sick and tired of feeling sick and tired? Do you lack energy and feel sluggish? Are you tired and un-motivated to try new things or learn new skills? Fit, Fabulous & 50+ would like to hear from anyone who has ever felt this or may be presently struggling with these symptoms. We live in a stressful world and we will probably all struggle at some times or other to keep our spirit strong and remain buoyant when everything is pushing against us. Fit, Fabulous & 50+ aims to reach out and encourage with useful tips on how to reenergise after a period of malaise!

In order to achieve my goals I make my physiology my number one priority as it is a major contributor in creating an environment of optimism, clarity courage and hope. Health to me is not merely the absence of disease, something I am grateful for every day of my life, it is also about energy and vitality.

Rheumatoid-Arthritis – No thank you!

In 2005 I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid-Arthritis. I was offered a cocktail of drugs which I was told I would be on for the rest of my life. As a nutritionist I knew how food, allergies, intolerances and toxicity played a major role in our overall wellbeing. I took the medication and advice from my doctors but made a decision that I was going to clean up my act. That was when I started to make friends with my liver! Yes liver!! The hardest working organ in the body!

Liver Detoxification

I began the first of many liver and colon detoxifications and the results were staggering. Not only did my inflammation completely disappear but my skin started to glow, dark circles disappeared under the eyes, I had more health and vitality than I could ever remember. I was no longer tired, fatigued and within one year (it took many cleanses) I was completely medication free, discharged by my doctors and remain symptoms free. I am grateful to my doctors who helped me when I was unable to walk or stand up. I will share my experience in this blog because I believe our energy levels and health is related to how well we eliminate waste.

I regularly do a liver detox and I always feel fantastic afterwards. It is also the best antiaging cream I have ever used. I follow Dr Sandra Cabot’s Liver Cleansing Diet. She has delicious recipes which support the liver. I follow Patrick Holford’s recommendations and he has a book called ‘Say No To Arthritis’. I have learned about ‘fats that heal’ and take Udo Erasmus Oils which also lowers cholesterol while promoting healthy skin and lubrication for joints. Lastly but not least I drink lots of water. I consider everything I eat as to whether it is acid of alkaline for the body? By simply adding lemon juice to your water you are alkalising the body.

The Benefits

The positivity and strength I have gained from that experience in 2005 has filled me with gratitude every day and I have better health and vitality than I ever had in my 20s. I know that life is not easy and we all struggle at times but I would love to hear from anybody that feels they want to share some challenges that they have faced or are facing that has called on them to reach inside, meet themselves face to face, find their strength and conquer their fears. I hope this will encourage you and give you hope! Please leave a comment and help others at the same time. Thank you!

My six top tips to increase health and vitality.

• Make friends with your liver (contact me to find out more about liver and colon cleansing). (Eat, Pray, Love – Smile with your liver).

• Discover the beauty of ‘fats that heal’ – Udo Erasmus Oil

• Drink 2 litres of water a day

• Acid/Alkaline balance – use a squeeze of lemon to alkalise your water.

• Get a Nutri-Bullet (juicing)

• One Hour of Power (but this is another blog…)

Fit, Fabulous & 50+

Margaret Tully’s blog

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Hello I am an actress, director, teacher and life coach. I created Margaret Tully International because I want to work with people who want to experience life at the most exciting level. I live in London, spend a lot of time in the US, have studied with Anthony Robbins and feel what I have learned along my journey could benefit others.

So why do a blog? Well, I need to communicate. I always have! As a young woman it was not too difficult, as being reasonably attractive, I got a lot of attention and some people even seemed interested in what I had to say. I learned to handle the attention by being in charge, in control, humour, wit, funny and sometimes tantrums. As I got older I began to notice the currency by which I once traded (how attractive I felt in the eyes of the world) was producing different returns. Financial metaphors are quite useful when talking about intrinsic value and worth! You see I believe our identity is closely linked to how we view ourselves, in life, in other people’s eyes and in the mirror. Whether you gain significance and value from your career, family, physicality, education, skills or significant other, fundamentally the relationship you have with yourself will be what shapes your identity.

So what happens to us when we get up there in age and are no longer regarded as attractive, no longer of value, no longer sexy, invisible? My blog is about us women who are 50+ but unwilling to settle for the glib stereotyping inundating us by the media. If we have poor opinions of ourselves, and let’s be honest that is encouraged by most advertising companies who want us to compare ourselves to each other, to bill boards, and to a fantasy that is not only unattainable but non representative of a hugh demographic, then we need to take our power back. Back from the advertisers, public opinion, and unrealistic expectations of ourselves and each other.

As a 55 year old woman I can honestly say I feel more excited about life, more confident, much, much more sexy, more energised and vibrant than I ever did in my youth. It is a shame that this representation of women is not celebrated and reflected on TV, magazines and in our conversations. Fit, Fabulous and 50+ will speak to those of us who love who we have become, what we have achieved and contributed. Fit, Fabulous & 50+ supports and celebrates strength, competence, confidence, creativity and compassion.

So relax, get involved, have a natter, sound off, find support and help anyone who is feeling old, unattractive, devalued, invisible, unsexy, fed up or angry. Instead let’s get inspired to stand up be counted and heard. I’m listening, I’m here to serve, encourage, support and love on a big scale. Subscribe to the newsletter for once a month tips on health, wealth, love and career.

Leave a comment and share your amazing accomplishments so that we can get talking, agreeing, disagreeing (respectfully), thinking, confronting and most importantly connecting. Scream about us on Twitter and facebook because there are a lot of US out there. We are Fit, Fabulous and 50+.